22/11/22 You can switch channel, but you can’t switch flannels if the flannel you have been using for a certain amount of years is the only one you have. I speak in jest, of course, but only slightly. There is no doubt truth in what I write, only that truth is laden with light from a thousand candles, maybe even more. Feeling can be alien behind layers of built-up loose ends. A checklist can only go so far before hunger sets in, and you have to find an apple or perhaps a pair of pliers. Constructs and patterns let us live our lives so that we can concentrate on new things, but the downside is that they also mean we assign too much importance to the very highest of them, which is not ideal. Watch me swing from bean to lettuce, just on the edge of my seat, watching the ground fall towards my face and then back again into obsolescence. Just like colours appear fine under heavily influenced hues, so too do charity shop landscape paintings and other paraphernalia native to rivers. I’ve yearned for freedom, but it is hard to achieve whilst building on the ideas of those who didn’t achieve it, or whilst attached to a very large brick you have not escaped the grasp of due to its frog. There was nothing, no awareness, only a limited set of sensors and an overcompensating response. You don’t know what you didn’t know unless you find it out, which I somewhat did, or at least there wasn't anything else. My mind hurts sometimes. There are so many things that it’s seemingly impossible. Holes always seem quite easy to dig. On the outset you’re like “dig a bit up and then put it in a pile next to the growing hole”, but in reality, the earth is hard to push your shovel or fork into. Well that’s until it starts voluntarily falling in from your sides, therefore filling the hole back in a bit. You have to question: are Convolutional Neural Networks really universal? I’m not sure we’re there yet, I say that, but I’m not sure I’m there yet and I call myself a human. Made it up. I didn’t, but someone did. They might’ve been called Abigail— and who made that up? Skip forward in time to that ice, the ice with loads of other ice around it. In fact, you can’t see anything but ice (and the sky), but proximity-wise, it’s the ice that is most noticeable. Mostly because it is cold, fairly bright, and also incredibly restful. Don’t worry about the cold, that’s mostly aesthetic. So you lie there, your head on the padded hood of your jacket, just looking at the sky. The sky isn’t doing anything, so you can think about all those loose ends. They’re so far away now, that they’re fading away. The man with the thick cowboy hat and the beard and smile is picking them up and settling them down safely with his big hands. They don’t matter to him, he’ll be back. It’s the feeling of the initial blue line coming towards you from one of the pipes that make up the old Windows screensaver. You spray some WD40, but instead playdough comes out, which turns out to be very satisfying. Do sharks enjoy cheese? Nah. 29/11/22 I'm not sure if it's anger, disappointment (small like the thing or big like what I am) Trying to bring back things that felt fuzzy. 02/02/23 It's a strange feeling to plod willingly into a lock. Luckily the lock is okay. It's the sensation of unscrewing something, the thread of which is of unknown length. Jars are predictable, but not for example, microphone stands or bolts into a surface the behind of which you cannot see. We've found somewhere, I can imagine it being home. My advice is to avoid crushed velvet as a texture on curtains because it sounds uncomfortable.